I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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