gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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