Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
