I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
