why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
