Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
