Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
