sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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