Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
