if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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