is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
