I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
