just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
