im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
