Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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