I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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