haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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