you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
