you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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