He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
