So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
