The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
