your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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