why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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