sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
