Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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