I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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