i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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