u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
