Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize