i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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