piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
