The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
