Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
