Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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