My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
