Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
