I smell stomach acid.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
