Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
