i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
