just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
