Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
