Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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