Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
