I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
