I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
