My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
