I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
