She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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