We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
