no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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