Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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