how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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