If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
