when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
