We won't sleep together?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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