idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
