I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
