you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
