dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
