I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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