i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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