Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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