My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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