We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
