It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
