I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
