You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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