first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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