so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
