I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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