Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
