i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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