i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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