is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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