I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
