I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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