I'm really into asian looking animals
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
