why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
