The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
