Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
third nipple confirmed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
