Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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