I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
