Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize