Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
