You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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