he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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