the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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